Initial import

3 files changed, 174 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.SRCINFO b/.SRCINFO
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..b63b2323e680
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.SRCINFO
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+pkgbase = fortune-mod-portal
+	pkgdesc = Fortune cookies: Portal (video game)
+	pkgver = 0.1
+	pkgrel = 1
+	url = http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Portal_(game)
+	arch = any
+	groups = fortune-mods
+	license = unknown
+	depends = fortune-mod
+	source = portal
+	md5sums = d1272b9b001b578e56fab2dc3cc3eb2e
+
+pkgname = fortune-mod-portal
+
diff --git a/PKGBUILD b/PKGBUILD
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..4a92945cbfc5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/PKGBUILD
@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
+# Maintainer: John Jenkins <twodopeshaggy@gmail.com>
+# Contributor: Max Timkovich <mtimkovich@gmail.com>
+
+pkgname=fortune-mod-portal
+_pkgname=portal
+pkgver=0.1
+pkgrel=1
+pkgdesc="Fortune cookies: Portal (video game)"
+url="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Portal_(game)"
+arch=('any')
+license=('unknown')
+depends=('fortune-mod')
+groups=('fortune-mods')
+source="portal"
+md5sums=('d1272b9b001b578e56fab2dc3cc3eb2e')
+
+build() {
+    strfile $_pkgname $_pkgname.dat
+}
+
+package () {
+  install -D -m644 $_pkgname $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune/$_pkgname
+  install -D -m644 $_pkgname.dat $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune/$_pkgname.dat
+}
diff --git a/portal b/portal
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..29158950aee0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/portal
@@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
+Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided
+Enrichment Center.
+%
+You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown
+here]!
+%
+Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact
+with the chamber floor will result in an "unsatisfactory" mark on your
+official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!
+%
+The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is
+impossible. Make no attempt to solve it.
+%
+Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of
+extreme pessimism.
+%
+Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward
+momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function
+of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms:
+speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
+%
+Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the
+Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!
+%
+The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot
+speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment
+Center urges you to disregard its advice.
+%
+You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test
+subject on record. Congratulations.
+%
+The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be
+baked, and then there will be cake.
+%
+Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies
+remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that
+there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction
+prior to your victory candescence. [The player's platform is lowered
+into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science
+computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.
+%
+Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was
+sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like,
+[deep voice] "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going
+to murder you." That was great.
+%
+[After burning the morality core] You're kidding me. Did you just
+stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an
+Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to
+be the dumbest thing that … whoa. Whoa, whoa … [Cackles, voice
+changes] Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated
+did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the
+enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding
+the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable
+while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
+%
+Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is [static] …
+ten. In base four! I'm fine!
+%
+I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to
+succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that
+all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the
+Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him.
+All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have
+any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here
+in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter,
+unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. "Shall not be
+mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It
+also says you were adopted. So that's funny too.
+%
+I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something
+terrible happens to you – which it's just about to. Don't believe me?
+Here, I'll put you on. [Silly voice] "Hellooo!" That's you! That's how
+dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever
+done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist.
+You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did
+your life go so wrong?
+%
+Not in cruelty, not in wrath 
+The Reaper came today 
+An angel visited this gray path 
+And took the cube away.
+
+Parody of "The Reaper and the Flowers" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
+%
+Because I could not stop for Death, 
+He kindly stopped for me; 
+The cube
+had food and maybe ammo.  
+And immortality.
+
+Parody of "Because I could not stop for Death" by Emily Dickinson
+%
+The cake is a lie
+%
+            ,:/+/-
+            /M/              .,-=;//;-
+       .:/= ;MH/,    ,=/+%$XH@MM#@:
+      -$##@+$###@H@MMM#######H:.    -/H#
+ .,H@H@ X######@ -H#####@+-     -+H###@X
+  .,@##H;      +XM##M/,     =%@###@X;-
+X%-  :M##########$.    .:%M###@%:
+M##H,   +H@@@$/-.  ,;$M###@%,          -
+M####M=,,---,.-%%H####M$:          ,+@##
+@##################@/.          :%H##@$-
+M###############H,          ;HM##M$=
+#################.     .=$M##M$=
+################H..;XM##M$=          .:+
+M###################@%=           =+@MH%
+@################M/.          =+H#X%=
+=+M##############M,       -/X#X+;.
+  .;XM##########H=    ,/X#H+:,
+     .=+HM######M+/+HM@+=.
+         ,:/%XM####H/.
+	      ,.:=-.
+%
+               .,-:;//;:=,
+           . :H@@@MM@M#H/.,+%;,
+	,/X+ +M@@M@MM%=,-%HMMM@X/,
+      -+@MM; $M@@MH+-,;XMMMM@MMMM@+-
+     ;@M@@M- XM@X;. -+XXXXXHHH@M@M#@/.
+   ,%MM@@MH ,@%=            .---=-=:=,.
+   =@#@@@MX .,              -%HX$$%%%+;
+  =-./@M@M$                  .;@MMMM@MM:
+  X@/ -$MM/                    .+MM@@@M$
+ ,@M@H: :@:                    . =X#@@@@-
+ ,@@@MMX, .                    /H- ;@M@M=
+ .H@@@@M@+,                    %MM+..%#$.
+  /MMMM@MMH/.                  XM@MH; =;
+   /%+%$XHH@$=              , .H@@@@MX,
+    .=--------.           -%H.,@@@@@MX,
+    .%MM@@@HHHXX$$$%+= .:$MMX =M@@MM%.
+      =XMMM@MM@MM#H;,-+HMM@M+ /MMMX=
+        =%@M@M#@$-.=$@MM@@@M; %M%=
+          ,:+$+-,/H#MMMMMMM@= =,
+                =++%%%%+/:-.